remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
