Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
