Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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