My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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