I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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