just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.