ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD