but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low