youre lurking in front of me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”