i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?