If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
