dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if only i could text you this smell
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
