it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
