dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
