my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
