He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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