i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't deserve a penis
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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