I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
