i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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