I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
