Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
