Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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