similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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