Life is so much better after having sex.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
