We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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