so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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