i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
