OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
