i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
