The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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