i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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