you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
