I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
