can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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