please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
