I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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