I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
