I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
