He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
