I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
