My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
