I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
