I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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