Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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