I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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