She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
