Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
