well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
