ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We smell like vodka and hangover
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