Will you blow on my dice?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
