the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
