Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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