She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
