I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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