Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
