I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
