I feel like I'm in dance class right now
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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