Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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