Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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