Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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