omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
