It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
