there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
