Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Duck Duck Cougar?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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