getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
