Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
