i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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