Your face is a jimmy john
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
