I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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