I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
