well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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