where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
